So much! Remember, in May and June, I did all those exams? All those exams that tore me away from photography and blogging and whatnot? Well, they're pretty important really. They're called GCSEs, and they go on your CV, they sometimes look at them for university and if you don't do well, you're not allowed to carry on at school anymore. So major. People freak out about them a lot. I got the results today! The system works a bit differently in the UK to in America, we have grades A* - G and then UNGRADED, God forbid, which means it was so bad they basically couldn't bear to touch it! But, thankfully, they're pretty rare...at least in my school. And, in the US and Canada, I think straight As is pretty normal, right? Or maybe not, but only 5% of the population gets an A* in each subject so, yea, pretty tough. I took 10 subjects...and I was so sick to my stomach with nerves...and so worried I was going to fail (a pass is A*-C) ... and I did so well!!!!!
I received six A* grades in English Literature, English Language, Latin, History, Religious Studies (I got 100% in that!) and German. And two A grades in Biology and Physics - which I am so happy about. I am the most unscientific person you could ever meet, and I generally got straight Cs the whole two years of the course (unfortunately Bio, Chem, Physics are compulsory to GCSE level here) but I worked so hard for the exam, and it obviously paid off! And then I got a B in Chemistry and Maths. Maths I find terribly difficult so I was really pleased about that, and a B is still about 70%...Chemistry I really couldn't care less, I hate it that much. It's being remarked though, because it was only 1 single mark off an A. So, yes, I am so excited! I've had more phone calls today than ever, even when it's my birthday!
We had to go into school to collect the results, and I saw so many people crying and being consoled on the way, that I started to worry even more - and then my Chemistry teacher (who is a bit scary and who you would NOT want to meet in a dark alley, even in daylight) strode up to me and said he wanted a word after I'd opened my envelope...so then I thought he might take me round the corner and punch me because I'd got a C or something but no, it was okay! He just wanted to ask if it was alright to have it remarked. Phew!
And, if you haven't realised, this is going to be a very very long post! And, so, I walked over to the table and one of my old teachers handed me my envelope. And, literally, guys, I was shaking. I should really have read all the signs but I think I was too nervous to really register it and take it all in. My Religious Studies teacher, the lovely and beautiful Miss W, was smiling at me and my English teacher gave me a huge thumbs up and my Physics teacher was looking at me giddy with happiness (probably relieved that I didn't fail his course entirely) but I refused to open my envelope for 10 minutes. I needed time to prepare myself!
.... so I just watched for a while. I watched Mr G hand out all those brown envelopes to my friends, as they sidled up to the table, with nervous shy smiles on their faces. I watched as the pile of envelopes, each bringing either joy or sorrow, dwindled and vanished...and I watched as the girls around me tore open their brown packages and smiled or wept or hugged their friends. It was nice to just watch. And, finally, I opened mine. And I was so so amazed. I truly was. And then my Biology teacher ran up to hug me, and I just started to cry, I was that amazed - and her daughter Abigail was jumping up and down. And the people around me were all so happy, so smiley and lovely...all looking at their marks and comparing. And that is when I realised IT.
I realised that I do so want to be a teacher . I realised in that singular moment, that moment so tiny and absolutely insignificant in my entire life, that school is my home. I want to be there forever - as student or teacher. If it can't be me walking in each day to learn, to receive brown envelopes that contain the unknown, I want to be there learning with other, giving THEM the brown envelopes and helping them realise their individual potentials. :) So I'm happy. I thought I was sad school holidays are coming to a close, much as I adore school, and I thought I was happy to have a break. Yet when I arrived to collect my envelope, and I saw all my favourite people - my teachers and friends who are all so wonderful - and I saw the green grass and the lacrosse pitch and the hall and the squeaky clean floors - I was enveloped with a sense of wonder and an utter joy to be where I was. I love it so. I cannot wait until school begins on the 3rd. Yea!
So, I hope you managed to keep up with my rambles thus far. Not much longer to go! I promise to have many more Toronto posts, and to be a better Blogger - it's just hard to be inspired to take pictures in all this gloom and rain - and I promise that about the Toronto pictures. Ellen made me swear I would post all 200, even the grainy blurred ones (who's saying there are any?!), because she wants to see them. Ellen, maybe not all 200, but I'll post most of them anyway!
Again, sorry I haven't been commenting much. I've been too sick with my throat and worried about results. But today was much better. So I'll leave you with one of my favourite Toronto pictures, my yummy chocolate frapp. They taste better in Canada! The best thing to drink in such humid heat :)
Love, happy as a cat Lulu
